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Help! I Have Pets! (Which Means You Might Be Homeless)

How could you possibly turn this cute little guy away? :(

How could you possibly turn this cute little guy away? :(

You know what sucks? I’ll tell you. Having pets and not being able to find a place to live because of it. Now I’m not talking farm animals or an unconventional pet like a a wildebeast or a dwarf dolphin that you’re planning on shoving in a bathtub. I’m talking a typical domesticated (god willing) dog or cat. Usually landlords prefer cats to dogs, so cats aren’t really a HUGE issue due to their independent and quiet nature, but you will sadly not be preferred over someone who has no pets at all.

The issue at hand goes back to the vacancies (see blog entry Rent: Up, Up, & Up Some More). You see, the rental market in Boston right now is very competitive, so landlords have all the power. They can choose who they think will be the perfect tenant. With an overwhelming number of applicants per rental property, landlords do not give a flying fluff if your precious poopsie canine is the greatest thing since Cute Overload, or is your only friend in life.

The thing that I have a hard time wrapping my brain around is that cats are preferred over dogs. I sincerely apologize if I am about to offend anyone (well, actually no I don’t) but I absolutely cannot stand about 95% of the cats I’ve met. They’re bitchy, self entitled, knock your crap over in a very stealthy manner so they can pretend it was really no big thing, and my god does that litter smell. I went to a friend’s home once who had a cat and I could smell that mess from OUTSIDE the front door. When I walked in I thought I was absolutely going to immediately be asphyxiated by the toxic smell of cat business all over that apartment. No wonder it’s hazardous for pregnant women to be around that. It probably causes the unborn baby to have ongoing conniption fits until it’s removed from that nauseating repulsive environment. That’s just my humble opinion of course.

Satan….In fluffy form

Yeah sure dogs chew and scratch and bark  and get excited but cats scratch and piss and throw up and sometimes meow uncontrollably like the South Park cat ( I believe his name is Mr. Kitty) who’s in heat. At least if a robber breaks in you home you’ll be made aware of it far sooner with a dog than you would with a self righteous cat.

So to summarize, make sure you ask up front about the pet situation. Sometimes they’re negotiable. If you did your job as a proper pet parent your precious baby will be well trained, not wake the nation during inopportune times, and be an absolute bundle of joy. Otherwise you know that negotiation is pretty much going to end before it even gets started. Beg, plead, bat your eyes and bake some cookies. And don’t forget to make nice. Everyone knows you get more flies (eww) with honey than you do with vinegar…..or however that saying goes.

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